Get rid of the word “BUT”
But….used in the most common way, negates the positive that came before!! (Thank you for getting the groceries, but you forgot the milk.) It stops the brain then restarts the new statement leaving the prior portion of the message unheard – alone (in the dust)….the brain moves on to what follows the but. So, only use but to turn a negative into the positive (I know you wrecked the car but at least you did not get injured).
You can substitute the word “and” & “however” for but and it minimizes the damage caused by the negation (I went shopping at the health food store and on the way home I ate a Big Mac.). Think of how that sentence would feel with the word but instead of and. This helps us be more positive, resourceful and more motivated. An example would be (You did better on your grades this semester however there is room for improvement in math). You did “x” for me and you forgot “y” (keeps the sentence continuous and the full message unit stays intact. The word but turns it into a more negative message unit going to your subconscious since the part after but is what is encoded).
Speaking this way with ourselves is kinder and gentler and it lays the foundation to speak the same with others.
A way to even enhance this speech pattern change is using the sandwich effect. This is sandwiching any negative or paternal statement in between two positives (Positive/Negative(Correction)/Positive). It helps us abstain from the defensiveness and packages the negatives with a positive feeling. This pattern would go something like this (It was great I did Yoga this morning, however I need to do it several times a week. Since in the past I practiced Yoga on a daily basis with such great results that means I can do it again starting with that class today.).
Empowering language patterns for ourselves and others;-)